Enter Baptista, Gremio, Tranio, Katherina, Bianca, Lucentio and Attendants.
BAPTISTA. [To Tranio.
Signior Lucentio, this is the ’pointed day
That Katherine and Petruchio should be married
And yet we hear not of our son-in-law.
What will be said? What mockery will it be
To want the bridegroom when the priest attends
To speak the ceremonial rites of marriage
What says Lucentio to this shame of ours
KATHERINA.
No shame but mine; I must, forsooth, be forc’d
To give my hand, oppos’d against my heart
Unto a mad-brain rudesby, full of spleen
Who woo’d in haste and means to wed at leisure.
I told you, I, he was a frantic fool
Hiding his bitter jests in blunt behaviour
And to be noted for a merry man
He’ll woo a thousand, ’point the day of marriage
Make friends, invite, and proclaim the banns
Yet never means to wed where he hath woo’d.
Now must the world point at poor Katherine
And say ‘Lo! there is mad Petruchio’s wife
If it would please him come and marry her.
TRANIO.
Patience, good Katherine, and Baptista too.
Upon my life, Petruchio means but well
Whatever fortune stays him from his word
Though he be blunt, I know him passing wise
Though he be merry, yet withal he’s honest.
KATHERINA.
Would Katherine had never seen him though
Exit weeping, followed by Bianca and others.
BAPTISTA.
Go, girl, I cannot blame thee now to weep
For such an injury would vex a very saint
Much more a shrew of thy impatient humour.
Enter Biondello.
Master, master! News! old news, and such news as you never heard of
BAPTISTA.
Is it new and old too? How may that be
BIONDELLO.
Why, is it not news to hear of Petruchio’s coming
BAPTISTA.
Is he come
BIONDELLO.
Why, no, sir.
BAPTISTA.
What then
BIONDELLO.
He is coming.
BAPTISTA.
When will he be here
BIONDELLO.
When he stands where I am and sees you there.
TRANIO.
But say, what to thine old news
BIONDELLO.
Why, Petruchio is coming, in a new hat and an old jerkin; a pair of old breeches thrice turned; a pair of boots that have been candle-cases, one buckled, another laced; an old rusty sword ta’en out of the town armoury, with a broken hilt, and chapeless; with two broken points: his horse hipped with an old mothy saddle and stirrups of no kindred; besides, possessed with the glanders and like to mose in the chine; troubled with the lampass, infected with the fashions, full of windgalls, sped with spavins, rayed with the yellows, past cure of the fives, stark spoiled with the staggers, begnawn with the bots, swayed in the back and shoulder-shotten; near-legged before, and with a half-checked bit, and a head-stall of sheep’s leather, which, being restrained to keep him from stumbling, hath been often burst, and now repaired with knots; one girth six times pieced, and a woman’s crupper of velure, which hath two letters for her name fairly set down in studs, and here and there pieced with pack-thread.
BAPTISTA.
Who comes with him
BIONDELLO.
O, sir! his lackey, for all the world caparisoned like the horse; with a linen stock on one leg and a kersey boot-hose on the other, gartered with a red and blue list; an old hat, and the humour of forty fancies prick’d in’t for a feather: a monster, a very monster in apparel, and not like a Christian footboy or a gentleman’s lackey.
TRANIO.
Tis some odd humour pricks him to this fashion
Yet oftentimes he goes but mean-apparell’d.
BAPTISTA.
I am glad he’s come, howsoe’er he comes.
BIONDELLO.
Why, sir, he comes not.
BAPTISTA.
Didst thou not say he comes
BIONDELLO.
Who? that Petruchio came
BAPTISTA.
Ay, that Petruchio came.
BIONDELLO.
No, sir; I say his horse comes, with him on his back.
BAPTISTA.
Why, that’s all one.
BIONDELLO.
Nay, by Saint Jamy
I hold you a penny
A horse and a man
Is more than one
And yet not many.
Enter Petruchio and Grumio.
PETRUCHIO.
Come, where be these gallants? Who is at home
BAPTISTA.
You are welcome, sir.
PETRUCHIO.
And yet I come not well.
BAPTISTA.
And yet you halt not.
TRANIO.
Not so well apparell’d as I wish you were.
PETRUCHIO.
Were it better, I should rush in thus.
But where is Kate? Where is my lovely bride
How does my father? Gentles, methinks you frown
And wherefore gaze this goodly company
As if they saw some wondrous monument
Some comet or unusual prodigy
BAPTISTA.
Why, sir, you know this is your wedding-day
First were we sad, fearing you would not come
Now sadder, that you come so unprovided.
Fie! doff this habit, shame to your estate
An eye-sore to our solemn festival.
TRANIO.
And tell us what occasion of import
Hath all so long detain’d you from your wife
And sent you hither so unlike yourself
PETRUCHIO.
Tedious it were to tell, and harsh to hear
Sufficeth I am come to keep my word
Though in some part enforced to digress
Which at more leisure I will so excuse
As you shall well be satisfied withal.
But where is Kate? I stay too long from her
The morning wears, ’tis time we were at church.
TRANIO.
See not your bride in these unreverent robes
Go to my chamber, put on clothes of mine.
PETRUCHIO.
Not I, believe me: thus I’ll visit her.
BAPTISTA.
But thus, I trust, you will not marry her.
PETRUCHIO.
Good sooth, even thus; therefore ha’ done with words
To me she’s married, not unto my clothes.
Could I repair what she will wear in me
As I can change these poor accoutrements
Twere well for Kate and better for myself.
But what a fool am I to chat with you
When I should bid good morrow to my bride
And seal the title with a lovely kiss
Exeunt Petruchio, Grumio and Biondello.
TRANIO.
He hath some meaning in his mad attire.
We will persuade him, be it possible
To put on better ere he go to church.
BAPTISTA.
I’ll after him and see the event of this.
Exeunt Baptista, Gremio and Attendants.
TRANIO.
But, sir, to love concerneth us to add
Her father’s liking; which to bring to pass
As I before imparted to your worship
I am to get a man,—whate’er he be
It skills not much; we’ll fit him to our turn
And he shall be Vincentio of Pisa
And make assurance here in Padua
Of greater sums than I have promised.
So shall you quietly enjoy your hope
And marry sweet Bianca with consent.
LUCENTIO.
Were it not that my fellow schoolmaster
Doth watch Bianca’s steps so narrowly
Twere good, methinks, to steal our marriage
Which once perform’d, let all the world say no
I’ll keep mine own despite of all the world.
TRANIO.
That by degrees we mean to look into
And watch our vantage in this business.
We’ll over-reach the greybeard, Gremio
The narrow-prying father, Minola
The quaint musician, amorous Licio
All for my master’s sake, Lucentio.
Re-enter Gremio.
Signior Gremio, came you from the church
GREMIO.
As willingly as e’er I came from school.
TRANIO.
And is the bride and bridegroom coming home
GREMIO.
A bridegroom, say you? ’Tis a groom indeed
A grumbling groom, and that the girl shall find.
TRANIO.
Curster than she? Why, ’tis impossible.
GREMIO.
Why, he’s a devil, a devil, a very fiend.
TRANIO.
Why, she’s a devil, a devil, the devil’s dam.
GREMIO.
Tut! she’s a lamb, a dove, a fool, to him.
I’ll tell you, Sir Lucentio: when the priest
Should ask if Katherine should be his wife
Ay, by gogs-wouns’ quoth he, and swore so loud
That, all amaz’d, the priest let fall the book
And as he stoop’d again to take it up
The mad-brain’d bridegroom took him such a cuff
That down fell priest and book, and book and priest
Now take them up,’ quoth he ‘if any list.
TRANIO.
What said the wench, when he rose again
GREMIO.
Trembled and shook, for why, he stamp’d and swore
As if the vicar meant to cozen him.
But after many ceremonies done
He calls for wine: ‘A health!’ quoth he, as if
He had been abroad, carousing to his mates
After a storm; quaff’d off the muscadel
And threw the sops all in the sexton’s face
Having no other reason
But that his beard grew thin and hungerly
And seem’d to ask him sops as he was drinking.
This done, he took the bride about the neck
And kiss’d her lips with such a clamorous smack
That at the parting all the church did echo.
And I, seeing this, came thence for very shame
And after me, I know, the rout is coming.
Such a mad marriage never was before.
Hark, hark! I hear the minstrels play.
Music plays.
Enter Petrucio, Katherina, Bianca, Baptista, Hortensio, Grumio and Train.
PETRUCHIO.
Gentlemen and friends, I thank you for your pains
I know you think to dine with me today
And have prepar’d great store of wedding cheer
But so it is, my haste doth call me hence
And therefore here I mean to take my leave.
BAPTISTA.
Is’t possible you will away tonight
PETRUCHIO.
I must away today before night come.
Make it no wonder: if you knew my business
You would entreat me rather go than stay.
And, honest company, I thank you all
That have beheld me give away myself
To this most patient, sweet, and virtuous wife.
Dine with my father, drink a health to me.
For I must hence; and farewell to you all.
TRANIO.
Let us entreat you stay till after dinner.
PETRUCHIO.
It may not be.
GREMIO.
Let me entreat you.
PETRUCHIO.
It cannot be.
KATHERINA.
Let me entreat you.
PETRUCHIO.
I am content.
KATHERINA.
Are you content to stay
PETRUCHIO.
I am content you shall entreat me stay
But yet not stay, entreat me how you can.
KATHERINA.
Now, if you love me, stay.
PETRUCHIO.
Grumio, my horse
GRUMIO.
Ay, sir, they be ready; the oats have eaten the horses.
KATHERINA.
Nay, then
Do what thou canst, I will not go today
No, nor tomorrow, not till I please myself.
The door is open, sir; there lies your way
You may be jogging whiles your boots are green
For me, I’ll not be gone till I please myself.
Tis like you’ll prove a jolly surly groom
That take it on you at the first so roundly.
PETRUCHIO.
O Kate! content thee: prithee be not angry.
KATHERINA.
I will be angry: what hast thou to do
Father, be quiet; he shall stay my leisure.
GREMIO.
Ay, marry, sir, now it begins to work.
KATHERINA.
Gentlemen, forward to the bridal dinner
I see a woman may be made a fool
If she had not a spirit to resist.
PETRUCHIO.
They shall go forward, Kate, at thy command.
Obey the bride, you that attend on her
Go to the feast, revel and domineer
Carouse full measure to her maidenhead
Be mad and merry, or go hang yourselves
But for my bonny Kate, she must with me.
Nay, look not big, nor stamp, nor stare, nor fret
I will be master of what is mine own.
She is my goods, my chattels; she is my house
My household stuff, my field, my barn
My horse, my ox, my ass, my anything
And here she stands, touch her whoever dare
I’ll bring mine action on the proudest he
That stops my way in Padua. Grumio
Draw forth thy weapon; we are beset with thieves
Rescue thy mistress, if thou be a man.
Fear not, sweet wench; they shall not touch thee, Kate
I’ll buckler thee against a million.
Exeunt Petrucio, Katherina and Grumio.
BAPTISTA.
Nay, let them go, a couple of quiet ones.
GREMIO.
Went they not quickly, I should die with laughing.
TRANIO.
Of all mad matches, never was the like.
LUCENTIO.
Mistress, what’s your opinion of your sister
BIANCA.
That, being mad herself, she’s madly mated.
GREMIO.
I warrant him, Petruchio is Kated.
BAPTISTA.
Neighbours and friends, though bride and bridegroom wants
For to supply the places at the table
You know there wants no junkets at the feast.
Lucentio, you shall supply the bridegroom’s place
And let Bianca take her sister’s room.
TRANIO.
Shall sweet Bianca practise how to bride it
BAPTISTA.
She shall, Lucentio. Come, gentlemen, let’s go.
Exeunt.
