But at that moment in the street below a barrel-organ struck up. Josephine and
Constantia sprang to their feet together.
“Run, Con,” said Josephine. “Run quickly. There’s
sixpence on the—”
Then they remembered. It didn’t matter. They would never have to stop the
organ-grinder again. Never again would she and Constantia be told to make that
monkey take his noise somewhere else. Never would sound that loud, strange
bellow when father thought they were not hurrying enough. The organ-grinder
might play there all day and the stick would not thump.
It never will thump again,
It never will thump again,
It never will thump again,
played the barrel-organ.
What was Constantia thinking? She had such a strange smile; she looked
different. She couldn’t be going to cry.
“Jug, Jug,” said Constantia softly, pressing her hands together.
“Do you know what day it is? It’s Saturday. It’s a week
to-day, a whole week.”
A week since father died,
A week since father died,
A week since father died,
cried the barrel-organ. And Josephine, too, forgot to be practical and
sensible; she smiled faintly, strangely. On the Indian carpet there fell a
square of sunlight, pale red; it came and went and came—and stayed,
deepened—until it shone almost golden.
“The sun’s out,” said Josephine, as though it really
mattered.
A perfect fountain of bubbling notes shook from the barrel-organ, round, bright
notes, carelessly scattered.
Constantia lifted her big, cold hands as if to catch them, and then her hands
fell again. She walked over to the mantelpiece to her favourite Buddha. And the
stone and gilt image, whose smile always gave her such a queer feeling, almost
a pain and yet a pleasant pain, seemed to-day to be more than smiling. He knew
something; he had a secret. “I know something that you don’t
know,” said her Buddha. Oh, what was it, what could it be? And yet she
had always felt there was... something.
The sunlight pressed through the windows, thieved its way in, flashed its light
over the furniture and the photographs. Josephine watched it. When it came to
mother’s photograph, the enlargement over the piano, it lingered as
though puzzled to find so little remained of mother, except the earrings shaped
like tiny pagodas and a black feather boa. Why did the photographs of dead
people always fade so? wondered Josephine. As soon as a person was dead their
photograph died too. But, of course, this one of mother was very old. It was
thirty-five years old. Josephine remembered standing on a chair and pointing
out that feather boa to Constantia and telling her that it was a snake that had
killed their mother in Ceylon.... Would everything have been different if
mother hadn’t died? She didn’t see why. Aunt Florence had lived
with them until they had left school, and they had moved three times and had
their yearly holiday and... and there’d been changes of servants, of
course.
Some little sparrows, young sparrows they sounded, chirped on the window-ledge.
Yeep—eyeep—yeep. But Josephine felt they were not sparrows,
not on the window-ledge. It was inside her, that queer little crying noise.
Yeep—eyeep—yeep. Ah, what was it crying, so weak and forlorn?
If mother had lived, might they have married? But there had been nobody for
them to marry. There had been father’s Anglo-Indian friends before he
quarrelled with them. But after that she and Constantia never met a single man
except clergymen. How did one meet men? Or even if they’d met them, how
could they have got to know men well enough to be more than strangers? One read
of people having adventures, being followed, and so on. But nobody had ever
followed Constantia and her. Oh yes, there had been one year at Eastbourne a
mysterious man at their boarding-house who had put a note on the jug of hot
water outside their bedroom door! But by the time Connie had found it the steam
had made the writing too faint to read; they couldn’t even make out to
which of them it was addressed. And he had left next day. And that was all. The
rest had been looking after father, and at the same time keeping out of
father’s way. But now? But now? The thieving sun touched Josephine
gently. She lifted her face. She was drawn over to the window by gentle
beams....
Until the barrel-organ stopped playing Constantia stayed before the Buddha,
wondering, but not as usual, not vaguely. This time her wonder was like
longing. She remembered the times she had come in here, crept out of bed in her
nightgown when the moon was full, and lain on the floor with her arms
outstretched, as though she was crucified. Why? The big, pale moon had made her
do it. The horrible dancing figures on the carved screen had leered at her and
she hadn’t minded. She remembered too how, whenever they were at the
seaside, she had gone off by herself and got as close to the sea as she could,
and sung something, something she had made up, while she gazed all over that
restless water. There had been this other life, running out, bringing things
home in bags, getting things on approval, discussing them with Jug, and taking
them back to get more things on approval, and arranging father’s trays
and trying not to annoy father. But it all seemed to have happened in a kind of
tunnel. It wasn’t real. It was only when she came out of the tunnel into
the moonlight or by the sea or into a thunderstorm that she really felt
herself. What did it mean? What was it she was always wanting? What did it all
lead to? Now? Now?
She turned away from the Buddha with one of her vague gestures. She went over
to where Josephine was standing. She wanted to say something to Josephine,
something frightfully important, about—about the future and what....
“Don’t you think perhaps—” she began.
But Josephine interrupted her. “I was wondering if now—” she
murmured. They stopped; they waited for each other.
“Go on, Con,” said Josephine.
“No, no, Jug; after you,” said Constantia.
“No, say what you were going to say. You began,” said Josephine.
“I... I’d rather hear what you were going to say first,” said
Constantia.
“Don’t be absurd, Con.”
“Really, Jug.”
“Connie!”
“Oh, Jug!”
A pause. Then Constantia said faintly, “I can’t say what I was
going to say, Jug, because I’ve forgotten what it was... that I was going
to say.”
Josephine was silent for a moment. She stared at a big cloud where the sun had
been. Then she replied shortly, “I’ve forgotten too.”
